We all know the saying “When life brings you lemons, make lemonade”.I’ll be honest, whenever life brought me lemons, it was sour, face puckering torture and I didn’t like it one bit! To make something delightfully sweet and delicious was never my first inclination. Sometimes when the lemons came it was so awful I didn’t know how to turn it into something delectable. At other times, even though I didn’t like the lemons, I allowed the lemons to repeatedly disgust me. My lemons consisted of child abuse, low self worth, weight issues/eating disorder, dysfunctional relationships, divorce, depression, financial devastation, and sex addiction. These are some majorly acidic lemons, but I will tell you there is hope AND it is possible to make delicious lemonade.
I will say that my path to making lemonade has not been an easy one. It has been a process, that has involved a lot of f*ing up, surrendering, letting go, acceptance, and taking action. Lemonade is a great metaphor for life. It can be sour, sweet, spicy, boring, and exciting. The best lemonade is one that has a bit of tanginess, is refreshing, and has the perfect amount of sweetness. I even like the lemonades that have a little cayenne pepper, ginger and mint added because they add spice and dimension. Add some alcohol to it and now it’s become fun!
Here are the ingredients I have used to make lemonade:
- Therapy– Even though I have always been very fortunate to have very supportive friends in my life, your friends can only hear you bitch and moan for so long. After a while, they get tired and just want to you to move on with your life. This is where a therapist or life coach is great. They get paid to hear you bitch and moan AND they are there to help you get through whatever issues you have. Good therapists and coaches also have a neutral perspective, so they are not biased. They help you to get to the root of the problem and guide you to solutions to whatever is troubling you.
- Spirituality– My connection to God (I use this term as the spiritual omnipresent energy that is bigger than all of us) has helped me through some of my darkest hours. I have had moments where I have wanted to commit suicide and when I had these moments, I would feel something outside of myself. I would feel angels and spirits guiding me. Surprisingly, what got me through was somehow I had never felt like I was alone and that I was supported. There were times when I would pray multiple times in a day and I would ask for strength, guidance, and support. I always felt like God delivered.
- Self love– I will say this one was and still is the hardest one to work on. My self worth has always ranked pretty low considering that I’ve had an abusive childhood, I’ve had dysfunctional relationships, and narcissistic partners. My hatred for myself has lead me to eating disorders, irresponsible behavior, and addictions. Having compassion towards myself and treating myself with kindness is an everyday struggle. Yet, I do understand that being able to accept yourself for who you are and being forgiving towards yourself is crucial. If you don’t love yourself, then who truly will be able to love you? I believe we all attract people who are mirrors to show us who we are. This is why it is vital to do to be the best version of yourself knowing that you will never be perfect. I have learned through many failed relationships, that I must love myself, put my needs first, and understand I am deserving of having someone love me. All of us have gifts that make us special. It is important to focus on what we do love about ourselves instead of focusing on our shortcomings. It is important that we are aware of our imperfections and not to hate ourselves because of them. It is important to find the sweetness within ourselves instead of looking outward for the sweetness.
- Taking action and doing the work to shift my perspective-Many of us have to repeat actions and circumstances before we learn our lesson. How many times have you attracted the same type of person and after getting your heart broken over and over again, you tell yourself this has to stop! Moments like this I had to make the decision that I was going to shift my belief patterns and change my actions. This is where therapy was very useful and sharing with my loved ones that I was serious about making changes and I needed their support to help me if I was repeating my unhealthy behavior. This is not easy and it requires the commitment and dedication to wanting to change. I do believe we can change if the desire is strong enough. We may still have setbacks and falter, but we need to get back up, forgive ourselves, and continue the work.